"Suntok sa Buwan" Decisions

Choices, consequences, decisions and fate are things that inspired me to generate a bunch of notions now that many things have happened in my life. The courage to choose such decisions especially if it is against your will is a tough cookie to get over with really. Thus, it is a “suntok sa buwan” (literally means a punch at the moon) as what Filipinos say it so. It is an expression that seems to imply that it is an impossible decision to choose and to achieve. People who are more prone to let negative thoughts to be dominant over positive beliefs are more inclined to use this expression. These people tend to think that they can not reign over their ambitions because they were too afraid to try and that for them it is a “suntok sa buwan” circumstance. But sometimes we have to do it for our own good especially if it is very necessary. All of us have our own “suntok sa buwan” issues actually and that others can’t even get over with it easily.

In life, a lot of surprises are popping out every moment. I may live today and I might die tomorrow. These are all normal things we go through and after all in life, we live in an uncertain time. We cannot hold what lies for us tomorrow because anything can happen other than what we anticipated it to be. This is the verity of life that holds true for all of us. It is uncertain and many probabilities are bound to happen. There are many problems to deal and solve everyday, many people to meet, many things to learn from such experiences and most likely a lot of determination to pursue the choices and decisions we chose to and live by forever.

My life has been very complicated as I have many commitments and responsibilities to fill up as I’ve grown older. Problems, problems and many more problems can not be easily avoided just as change, death, and pain are inevitable. Yes, I’ve been deeply scarred when I lost someone, when I am hurt, when I am torn and when I fail. But then, as what Dalai Lama said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” I know I can breathe again and surpass this lunacy of hurt and pain. I do not want to suffer anymore. I am sick of being so low, I am sick of feeling lost, feeling hurt, feeling incapable of doing something and I am sick of crying.. enough of this pain! That is why I insist to endure and I beg to say that I CAN. That I CAN heal my wounded heart, and that I can proliferate, that I can patch up my life again and become the happiest person alive.

All people hurt, cry, smile, succeed, and fail. These are all manifestations of what life really means. We can accept many reprimands when we fail and compliments when we succeed. Others kill themselves because of one failure, of a broken heart, of a betrayed friendship, of a failed business, of a shattered family & to lose faith in prayers because one wish did not come true. But isn’t it hazy and a stupid thing to do when we end our chances to live just because of the wrong decisions, wrong choices, and being incapable of bearing the consequences of it? Isn’t it a counterpart of saying that these things come out because God let it happen for he knows that we are strong and we are able to bear the pain? What is life’s worth if we only live without these blunders of negative things? It is not that I want all of us to be in pain but it is that I want life to be more colorful and more challenging. I mean, isn’t these problems supposed to make us stronger and better coordinated to face life’s ordeals? Isn’t it making us become more epitomized to muster enough energy due to these bombarded problems everyday? It is a bit provocative that all of us undergone pain and suffering but we have to love pain as we see it. Lucky for those who haven’t been drowned in twinges yet, but I see it as an erroneous belief. How come that these people haven’t been in pain? That they haven’t cried? That they haven’t suffered? That they haven’t felt lost and helpless? It would be crazy, right? We all go the same process in life. We live, we love, we hurt, we smile, we grow, we move on, we let go and we die. Period! We grow and mature at each destined levels of maturity at different times and that’s a fact.

We have to broaden and not limit our ability to think through our perspectives and conceptualize them into reality. Even I had to choose a “suntok sa buwan” choice for a million times already. Just like letting go of the people I love who died just recently. For the love of God, nobody knows how much these people really mean so much to me and of how much pain I’ve dwelled at when I knew that I can’t do anything to bring them back to life. But then again, I have to realize that I have to move on. I have to accept that this is how life really is and it is meant to be in this process. I say that it was fate that pushed them to cross beyond the clouds of serenity to be with God’s presence and to serve Him. Other than that, I have another “suntok sa buwan” decision to make. I have to set free of the person who captivated my heart and soul as well. I would not dare say that I set him free because he has betrayed me or whatsoever. I don’t even know if he cares if I set him free? He doesn’t even know that someone like me who loved him really existed. (I bet he does, but he is just blinding himself up.) Still, I would not say he fooled me (maybe he does!?) because for all I know he is a good man and he lives in accord with what is perceived to be correct in lined with God’s laws. He is with a family that is good and respectable as well. It is just that I need more time to think and to prefer more about what needs to be prioritized first. After all, I am not in a hurry, I am not that vulnerable of having a boyfriend as early as now and that I am not worried because I believe that TRUE LOVE WAITS. It may sound crabby but it really is true in its deepest sense. Good things really come for those who are patient. If it is really me and him that is meant to be then let it be but if it wouldn’t be us after all? Then, so be it as well. I know God has a better plan for me ahead and although it may be a “suntok sa buwan” in my part that sometimes what I wanted is the very thing that I can’t have, but it will be fine. Because with God I feel safe, I feel happy and I have always and forever entrusted my life to him.

P.S.

This was made a long long time ago. It has been almost four years since I wrote this article maybe out of boredom or something like that. Hehe. I just wanted to update my blog and savor memories a long time ago. Hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. Thanks.