SOUL SEARCHING

Weee! I can't wait for the semestral break to come. Yup, I will surely spend the whole week or so on soul searching and so many stuffs to think over with. These past months it seems like my mind is playing tricks on me. I might opt to take a rest from law school's harshness or maybe travel to a place I can discover and find a job, those sorts of stuffs. I have lots of plans to fulfill and sometimes those plans seems unreachable not because I don't want to but maybe because there are those who don't seem to agree with what I want out of life. Sigh.. I want to go out from Iligan City and find a better job, travel and explore what life has yet to offer me. Iligan City is such a small place for my big dreams. I want to step out from my comfort zone and try to prove something of which others looked down on me just because I can't be any better than them which is not true at all. Iy's just that I want to do things I love while I am still young. I don't want to grow old not having been able to do what I love to do. I don't want to be barred from doing something just because of a hotly contested case that I am JUST a female, I am JUST a Christian or maybe JUST because I am the youngest among 6 broods. Why does it always have to be like that? It's like saying that being a female hinders you from the things you want to do. Time has changed already and gone are the days when a girl's life was spent cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids. I already belong to an era were women have already been empowered and have already been more successful in all walks of life as compared to some men. In fact, according to the Center for Women's Business Research, a whopping 10.6 million firms all over the world are at least 50% owned by a women. I really hoped that my family would be able to understand my side. Yes, danger and temptations are very inviting but I don't wanna say that women are vulnerable, weak or desperate just because we women can't protect ourselves which is ofcourse not true. And although I get the point that my family only wants to protect me from danger and all those sorts but I just hope that soon enough they'd be able to trust me, listen to me and believe in whatever I want to do. I know what's wrong and what's right because I am of the right age to think for myself already. Although sometimes trying to choose what's wrong and what's right can be a little vague but life's like that. Mistakes, failures, fiascos are part of the journey God planned for us to go through. Usually others are weakened by the existence of such perplexities in life but people like me see it as something that fuels the passion to continue living, to search for happinness, to learn and to savor for contentment. Caution is never wrong but rather it makes you wiser but living in a fear is a waste of what could have been if you had only took the first step. I don't want to regret doing something I want when I grow old. I want to see my true self grow and be not confined of something I loved to do.I want to be free, to teach myself to be independent and be not too clingy. I don't want to hide something I wished to do jus because others have been too narrowminded not to have seen what it can do good to me. They have judged it already without even understanding my side. I really hope that my family will get used to the idea that "You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence- Abraham Lincoln." Thus, for semestral break is a time for soul searching. A time for solitude is a time for guided independence. A time to think straight and to do what's right.